Today I saw a show. There was a mother, an adoptee mom, who adopted a baby girl. She was from a state where the birth mother gets to change her mind within 60 days. She made it to day 57 before the mother changed her mind.
I’m at 190 days. Well, 187 since I signed her papers. There are many times when I wish I would have said no. No, not wish, think about how it would be if I were to say no. If I had changed my mind, either when it was time to sign the papers, or when she was born and first handed to me, I would have hurt the family, and I would have hurt Eliana. I looked over and saw they had the same awe and love that we had.
I can’t say I’m perfect, and I that I don’t feel sad sometimes. But I can say that I am at peace with everything. My mother told me I shouldn’t see Elli as much as I do, that it just hurts me more, but I find that the more I see her, the easier it is for my heart to understand.
As Eliana grows, so do the hearts around her, so does the brightness in this world. She may be little, and may not be able to talk, but she captures the hearts of all who see her. Her giggles and smiles bring smiles and giggles to your face, and her tears and cries stab at your heart, and you long to comfort her.
Our little girl is getting so big! It’s hard to think 6 months ago was my last moment where she was just mine. Just 6 months ago Elli and I were parted and she went on to her new family. 6 months ago our family got 4 people bigger.
6 months ago I fell in love, and I could never deny anyone else the chance to fall in love with her too.
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